That’s a lot of miscarriages. Bellow is the first of a 4-part-series I wrote about the early miscarriage I experienced last month. One of the main reasons I wrote this series was to help relieve some of the stigma surrounding miscarriage. So many couples go through this in one way or another, but it is so rarely spoken about. Most women I have spoken to about their experiences with miscarriages say that they had no idea what to expect once they realized they were going to have a miscarriage. Some were also not well informed about their options and later regretted the choices they made. I hope that this series will help women know some of the possible outcomes they can expect, as well as realize that they are not alone.
We decided to begin sharing the pregnancy news before the ultrasound results came in. We did this for a few reasons. First, my sister and brother-in-law and their three children were visiting us for Chanukah and American Thanks Giving. We thought it would be nice to share the news with them and my mother-in-law in person, during one of our family gatherings. Second, although I had concerns about the pregnancy, I did not REALLY think something would go wrong. We were excited to tell our loved ones. Our tradition is usually to wait until I’m 12 weeks along. But this was less than a week before that mark.
We told our two oldest daughters first. This was the most fun part and they were so excited. They really wanted to share the news, especially my older daughter. I told her she could tell a couple of close friends. But I also didn’t expect the secret to be kept for long. Even though we were excited and didn’t want to wait, as we told our family, I had a voice in the back of my mind, “Things may not work out”, and “Don’t get too excited”.
A couple of days later I planned to call my midwife to find out the results of my ultrasound. That morning I had a gush of blood. “Uh oh, what was that?” I called my midwife right away. She looked over the results and explained to me that the fetus is the size of a 6-week old. How could this be? It could either be that our dating was off, or that the baby stopped growing. My midwife was hopeful, but I was not really. I was sure of our dates.
I had to go on an emergency family trip as my grandfather was dying of a sudden condition. So I could not have a follow-up ultrasound to confirm the findings until I returned the following week. I continued having brown spotting for the whole week. I prayed that nothing major would happen while on my trip and I also tried to ignore the idea of having a dead fetus inside of me. I wanted to be present with my family through my grandfather’s death and funeral.
As soon as I returned into town I scheduled the next appointment, called a “viability ultrasound”. As my daughter was sick with a severe stomach virus I had to run into the clinic quickly one morning before my husband went to work, while he stayed at home with our daughter. I could see in the ultrasound that the fetus had indeed stopped growing at 6 weeks. I could also see that the amniotic sack, which was quite large, as it had kept growing until that point, was beginning to pull away from the sides and that’s where the spotting was coming from.
So what’s next?
Do I want to wait for it to happen naturally?
Do I want to take pills to speed up the process?
Do I want to have a D&C?
It’s a difficult situation as it is. Needing to make a decision on top of it all is hard.”